


My Brother's Keeper

by Taaroko



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avengers AU, Brodinsons, Canon Divergence - Avengers (2012), Gen, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki's resistance, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2019-05-31 04:06:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15111473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taaroko/pseuds/Taaroko
Summary: After Thor grabs Loki off the Quinjet, it takes Tony a couple minutes longer to reach them. What was it that Thor wanted Loki to listen to? Can it make a difference?





	1. Imagined Slights

“You listen well, Brother,” said Thor, pointing at Loki with Mjolnir. “I may have spent the last year grieving, but I will not allow you to bring harm to Midgard. Whatever quarrel you have is with me, not this realm.”

“ _Whatever_ quarrel I have?” said Loki, looking incensed. “I thought I’d made my grievances quite plain not a moment ago, but you seem to think them nothing but fancies! More fool me for voicing them in the first place. I should know by now not to waste my breath.” He turned his back in disgust.

“What grievance?” said Thor angrily, grabbing Loki’s arm and wrenching him back around. “‘Tossing you into an abyss’? That never happened! You let go!”

Confusion briefly registered on Loki’s face before his features twisted into a snarl. “You think I will believe such a pointless lie?” he said, shoving Thor away. “I was there! You stole my victory from me, jealous that I was the one sitting on the throne you’d thought would be yours, and then, unable to abide the idea that I might have become more than the meek shadow trailing in your wake, you threw me from the bridge to be rid of me for good!” Angry tears shone in his eyes, while the look in them dared Thor to challenge his words.

Thor stared at Loki in horrified bewilderment. He’d never been very good at discerning when Loki was lying, but the betrayal and rage looked and sounded entirely genuine. It seemed he truly believed Thor had tried to kill him—his baby brother, who had often come running to his chambers after nightmares frightened him awake when they were small, who had fought at his side for centuries, who had been his dearest friend as long as he could remember…whose absence the last year had been like living with a gaping hole in his chest that refused to heal.

All of his own anger and hurt at finding that Loki still lived but had chosen to attack a defenseless realm instead of coming home to those who loved him fell away, and his throat tightened painfully. “Loki, _no_ ,” he said, his voice breaking a little, Mjolnir falling back to the ground. The details of that night—the worst night of his life—were still crystal clear in his memory, and he’d passed many a listless hour since torturing himself with pointless thoughts of what he could have done differently. “When the bridge shattered, it threw us both up into the air. You were still holding Gungnir and I managed to seize the other end, and Father caught me by the ankle before both of us could fall into the collapsing Bifrost. You told Father you’d done it all for him, and I just hung there, as useless as if I was still mortal, trying and failing to understand how everything had gone so wrong so quickly. I could’ve pulled you up and gotten a good grip on you, but I was too slow to think of it. And then, when Father voiced his disapproval of what you’d done, it was as though something broke in you. I saw the decision forming in your mind and I begged you not to do it, but before I could force my limbs to move, you had let go. I watched you fall until the vortex swallowed you from view.”

Loki’s breathing had grown more and more rapid throughout Thor’s recounting, and the look in his eyes was wild. “No. You’re—you’re lying.”

Thor chuckled. “You know I was never the one who had that skill,” he said gently.

Loki stumbled backward, shaking his head. In his distraction, he failed to notice the edge of the cliff they were standing on. His left foot slipped and he let out a yelp as he began to topple over the edge, but Thor lunged forward and seized him by the front of his black and gold surcoat, pulling him back onto solid ground. “I should have done that a year ago,” he said. Loki’s hands had found Thor’s forearms in an effort to steady himself, his breathing still erratic. “I do not deserve your forgiveness for failing to act then, but know that never again will I let you fall.”

Loki stared at him, his gaze flicking back and forth between Thor's eyes. “You...you speak the truth,” he said, his brow furrowing. He looked so confused and lost, and it made him appear more like a lad not yet seven hundred than a man just past his first millennium. “How can that be?”

“I fear something has been meddling with your mind since you fell, twisting it so that you would believe I counted you my enemy.” For the third time on this clifftop, Thor moved to grip the back of Loki's neck, and he looked him directly in the eyes. “It is _not true_. You are my brother and my friend. I may not have always been the brother you deserved, but _never doubt_ that I love you.” He smiled.

Loki’s eyes were bright with tears again. “Brother...,” he said, and Thor’s heart leapt. Perhaps there was hope for him yet. Before either of them could say or do anything else, however, something very solid barreled into Thor from the side at great speed, wrenching him away from Loki and knocking him clear off the cliff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on how incompatible Loki's "freedom is a lie" rhetoric is with the fact that he is the God of Mischief and his megalomania is with "I never wanted the throne!", how unwell he looks in the Thor end credits stinger and the beginning of Avengers, the "he will make you long for something as sweet as pain" scene, "You lack conviction.", the fact that Thanos was in possession of the Mind Stone before lending it to Loki to help him take over Earth, and what Loki does with both the Tesseract and the Aether in the intervening years between TDW and IW, I'd say it's practically canon that he was tortured, manipulated, and brainwashed into being Thanos's goon, but snapped out of it somewhere between getting Hulk-smashed and Ronan killing the Other. In which case, it shouldn't be impossible to get through to him if Thor only has the time and opportunity to do so. (The battle of New York is a bit late in the game for that, but I love that Thor still tries.) I think the only reason Loki never speaks up about what he went through is his pride. He'd rather be seen as the villain than a victim because he doesn't want to be thought weak (and he hates himself, so he doesn't want to be forgiven), but he fails to realize that asking for help when you need it is not weakness and villainy is not strength.
> 
> Anyway. I wrote some of this while I was at work, and the bro feels were so strong that it became very difficult not to dissolve into a sobbing wreck in full view of my coworkers. So that was fun.
> 
> Was super happy to incorporate a line from one of the many deleted scenes from Thor that should've been left in (or reworked a bit and then left in). They cut all the scenes where adult Loki smiles! That's not okay! The final cut of the movie makes him look like such a sour child, but this is the God of Mischief! He's supposed to be having fun! What is this nonsense?
> 
> Regarding the title of this chapter, I've seen a lot of indignation in the Loki fandom over the "imagined slights" line, and I'm not sure why, because it seemed to me that Thor was specifically referring to the blatantly inaccurate "I remember you tossing me into an abyss," not Loki's entire life of being Asgard's least favorite prince. Thor is a giant puppy who loves his brother and maybe took it too much for granted that all was well there, but after his character development in the first movie, he wouldn't just dismiss Loki's grievances out of hand if Loki ever explained them, but they never get a chance to talk about them before Loki's actions severely complicate matters. (Also Loki, as previously mentioned, has some real issues with being vulnerable with anyone, so it's unlikely he was going to open up to Thor on a whim. His secretive nature is likely why Thor has been able to assume everything was fine up until it suddenly fell apart in the space of a few days in the first place.) And that's the point of this fic.
> 
> What is it about the Thor characters that gets me writing essay-length author's notes? I haven't done that with most of my other fandoms.


	2. Cognitive Dissonance

“Thor!” Loki yelled, watching him get tackled off the cliff by the one called Iron Man, who dropped him unceremoniously onto the ground in the forest below. Thor was on his feet in a moment, and he did not look happy. Loki couldn’t make out the words being exchanged, but before long, Iron Man’s helmet snapped closed and he turned to fly back up to the cliff. Thor raised his hand, and Mjolnir shot down from where Thor had left it, knocking into the armored Midgardian on its way to its owner. 

Loki had watched Thor do battle hundreds of times, and it was usually an enjoyable spectacle when he wasn’t busy fighting as well, but he was too preoccupied by the conversation they’d just had to enjoy anything at the moment. He tried to picture his last moments on Asgard. Odin had rejected him, and then he had watched, uncaring, as Thor shoved him over the edge. It had been what he’d expected. Had Thor not always been dismissive of him? But the more he prodded at the memory, the less real it felt. 

Thor’s battle continued below, and Loki worried at the fraying edges in his mind. Suddenly the false images slipped away. Underneath them was what Thor had just described. He could hear Thor’s horrified scream as he let go of Gungnir, see him reaching for him even as he fell. Suicide, not fratricide. 

Loki sank to his knees, his head in his hands. Pain throbbed behind his eyes. If one memory had been altered, what else? How much of his mind was his own? He had come here on the Titan’s behalf, entrusted with a powerful weapon, promised a kingdom if he could but claim it. He was the only one who could make the journey. Asgard’s defenses over Yggdrasil would not bar his return, and with his ability to sense and navigate the cracks between worlds, he could travel the vast distance instantaneously, the Tesseract’s power guiding him to it like a beacon. The Titan had needed him like Odin never had, and he would make him a king where Odin would only have kept him tucked in Thor’s shadow. 

How much of that was a fiction? The Other had promised that he would wish for something as sweet as pain if he failed, and he’d been so consumed by fear that he had needed a moment to collect himself before he carried on with the plan. Why? What did he have to fear from those who had given him everything and taught him so much?

The throbbing behind his eyes intensified, and another memory surfaced. 

_ Pain. It seemed his entire body was made of it, and yet he was too exhausted even to muster a scream. What a failure he was. He couldn’t keep the loyalty of those who’d claimed to be his friends for centuries. He couldn’t keep Thor on Midgard. He couldn’t destroy Jotunheim. He couldn’t win Odin’s approval. He couldn’t even end his own life properly.  _

_ A green-skinned woman with hair that faded from dark violet at the roots to vibrant magenta at the tips bent over him where he lay. Standing a few paces back, arms folded, was a second woman, this one hairless and blue-skinned. A Frost Giant? No, not with the section of purple and the black eyes, and what were those metal plates grafted into her flesh? Besides, she looked even shorter than him, and what were the odds that he would fall into the hands of a fellow runt?  _

_ “What is he, Gamora?” said the blue woman. “Xandarian?” _

_ “No,” said the green. She was holding some kind of device over him. “A Xandarian couldn’t survive this kind of damage. Average tissue density is also about three times higher, and he’s giving off an unfamiliar energy signature.” She frowned at something on the device, then reached for his head. He managed a feeble flinch, but she only touched her fingertips to a spot behind his ear. She looked perplexed as she withdrew her hand. “No translator? Who doesn’t have a translator?” _

_ “Kill me,” he rasped through cracked lips. Both women certainly looked up to the job.  _

_ Faster than blinking, the green—Gamora—had a blade to his throat. “I am the only one left who speaks the Zenwhoberi language,” she snarled. “How do you know it?” _

_ “What are you talking about?” said the blue woman. “He was speaking my language, not yours.” _

_ Gamora withdrew her blade, rage replaced again by confusion. _

_ “No, please,” said Loki desperately. He tried to grab for her wrist to bring the weapon back down, but he barely managed to twitch his arm. _

_ “We should take him to Father,” said the blue.  _

_ Gamora briefly closed her eyes. When she opened them again, there was something like a resigned apology in them. “Yes. He’ll want to know how someone from a species not in our database found this place.” _

Something wet trickled past Loki’s lips. He reached up with shaking fingers, and they came away red. He was bleeding from the nose, and he felt lightheaded. It had happened before, but not since he was a child, overextending his seidr because he didn’t yet know his own limits. 

Down below, Thor and Iron Man were doing an excellent job of destroying the forest as they fought, and now the soldier had arrived. If they thought they could defeat Thor with only two men, then they were fools. With a roar, Thor brought Mjolnir down on the soldier’s shield. Instead of shattering it and the arm brandishing it (at the very least), the impact reverberated backward, blasting down every tree in a hundred-foot radius and sending Thor flying into the air. 

Loki didn’t see what happened next, because the pain in his head had reached such an pitch that it blotted out his vision. His awareness followed before long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really interested in exploring what happened on Sanctuary while Loki was there, as much because of Gamora, Nebula, and Ronan as because of Loki himself. (I will not be doing graphic descriptions of torture, though.)
> 
> I don't care what Thanos claimed about Gamora's planet; we saw it in writing on the screen in Guardians of the Galaxy that she's the last surviving member of her race, and I'd rather believe that than believe Thanos's deluded nonsense. 
> 
> What I'm guessing happened to Loki is that Thanos placed layer upon layer of mental conditioning on him with the Mind Stone in order to make him an obedient servant. Well, Thor just tore through one of those layers—a pivotal one, designed to make Loki believe he'd been cast aside by his family—, and that's going to weaken the rest. But it won't be pleasant.


	3. Interplanetary Diplomacy

Thor got back to his feet with a grunt, slightly dazed by the blast that had rebounded off the man’s strange shield. He glanced up at the cliff in time to see his brother collapse onto the ground. “Loki!” he cried, and he spun Mjolnir and flew back to him before either of the mortals could react.

There was blood leaking from Loki’s nose, and his face was white as chalk. Panic threatened to overtake Thor, but then he saw the rise and fall of Loki’s chest. He touched his face. “Brother, wake up!” He didn’t react. What was happening to him?

“Come on, Conan, don’t make us start this again.” The metal man had flown up level with him and opened his helm, seemingly just so Thor would be able to see him rolling his eyes.

“My brother is unwell,” said Thor through gritted teeth, his hands protectively on Loki’s shoulder and chest. “He goes nowhere without me.”

The man’s nose twitched in a sniff. “Works for me, I guess. Hey Romanoff, can you pull the car around?”

The bird-shaped craft Thor had pulled Loki from appeared shortly thereafter, touching down in the new clearing made by the fight. Thor carried Loki onto it, gaze roving between the mortals.

“That was quite the schoolyard squabble,” said the redheaded woman piloting the craft. “You boys settle your differences?”

“You are shield-sister to the son of Coul?” said Thor as he gingerly placed Loki into a seat. She and the metal man exchanged a look he had seen many times during his last visit to Earth.

“Uh...Coulson and I are both agents of SHIELD, yeah,” she said, flipping a few switches. The ramp they had just climbed closed behind them. “I’m Agent Romanoff.”

He nodded. “I will cooperate with your people to secure the safety of this realm, but no decisions will be made concerning my brother without me.”

“Yeah, no deal,” said the metal man. “Once you’re off my planet, the two of you can have as much magical space Viking family drama as you want, but I’m not going to wait around for your approval before I do whatever it takes to shut down his world domination plans.”

“Like what, torturing him for information?” said the blond warrior in a reproving tone, at which the metal man looked slightly uncomfortable. “He’s already captured, Stark; he can’t do any more harm. It’s only right that his brother gets a say in how we proceed from here. He’ll probably have better luck getting intel out of him than we will anyway.”

“Besides, it’s pretty bad interplanetary diplomacy to shut alien royalty out of decisions about family members,” said Romanoff.

“Fine,” said Stark, “But if it comes down to a choice between him and as much as a single human life, you know where I stand.”

“Understood,” said Thor. He could hardly expect different, but he did not remove his left hand from Loki’s shoulder or his right from Mjolnir’s haft.

Stark shot Thor and the unconscious Loki one last glance before turning and joining Romanoff in the nose of the craft, which began to rise back into the skies.

The blond warrior stepped closer and stuck out a hand. “Steve Rogers,” he said. Thor clasped his forearm, which seemed to confuse him, but only for a second. “SHIELD briefed me about what happened in New Mexico last year. If you knew you could work with us, why didn’t you try talking before grabbing Loki and flying off?”

Thor grimaced. “Mere moments after I departed this realm, I watched my brother fall to what I thought was his death. I’ve spent the last year imagining what I could have done differently to save him, and days ago, we discovered he still lived. My father expended a great deal of dark energy to transport me here to retrieve him.” Enough to send him straight into the Odinsleep, Thor was certain. In fact, they’d be lucky if that was all it cost. Mother would now be acting as regent, looking down on both her sons from Hlidskjalf. Loki was slumped in the seat next to him, and Thor tightened his grip on his shoulder. _I have him, Mother. I have him, and I will bring him back to you_. “I apologize for allowing my desperation to overcome my reason.”

He’d been watching Loki as he spoke, but as he concluded, he glanced up at Rogers in time to catch the pain in his eyes. He knew instinctively that this man had suffered a similar loss, recently perhaps, and he suddenly felt much easier about working with him.

“Not quite the reunion you hoped for, huh?” said Rogers.

“No,” said Thor. “There is much I still do not understand, but when I find the one who sent him here, they will regret ever laying hands on a son of Odin.”

“Wait, you mean he’s working for someone?” said Rogers, alarmed. “Someone even more powerful?”

“I believe so. Moreover, I do not believe he does it of his own free will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so we're clear, I'm not writing this because I have a problem with the way canon plays out. This, to me, is not a "fix-it." I'm just exploring what might have happened if one little variable had changed. That's how I do my AUs. Also, I love both Tony AND Steve, so if you want to rant about one of them in the comments, that's fine, but don't expect me to agree. This is the first time I've ever written Tony, and his snarky attitude is already enormous fun to play with. It's also fun that Tony is currently the I-do-things-my-way guy while Steve is currently the working-for-the-government guy. And holy crap are there strong parallels between Thor and Steve. They both watched their favorite person fall seemingly to their deaths without being able to do anything about it, and then that person came back as their brainwashed antagonist. 
> 
> Anyway, I'm figuring this story out as I go, but I think the next chapter is gonna be some more of Loki's flashbacks to Sanctuary.


	4. Foreign Bodies

Sanctuary: Day 1

_ What have my sisters brought me? Hmm...something new. Delicious. _

It took Loki a moment to realize that the velvety feminine voice he was hearing was not actually audible, but itching itself directly into his mind. He tried to recoil, but his body was still broken, and pain jarred through his innumerable wounds at the attempt. His eyes rolled frantically to trace the source of the voice. He was lying flat on his back in a chamber built of black rock, lit eerily in purple. A tall, slender figure in a hooded white cloak crept towards him from the shadows. Frigga had trained Loki well to defend against psychic attacks. He prodded at the barriers he kept in place at all times, and they were still there. His fall through the void hadn’t shattered them.

_ Oh, it thinks it can hide from me?  _ She moved like a spider and he was a fly trapped in her web. Her skin was marbled blue, her eyes milky white. She reached long, spindly fingers towards his temples. The moment those fingers touched him, he felt a dragging pressure against his barriers. It was like fingernails against slate, and his entire being shuddered. Her lips curled back in a smile, and laughter sounded in his mind.  _ Nebula wanted to play with you, but I think you don’t need any further breaking than you’ve already had, do you, little prince?  _ A jolt of panic shot through him. How?

“Who is he, Corona?” This voice definitely came from outside his head. It was masculine and very deep, but he couldn’t see the speaker.

She spoke aloud this time. “Loki Odinson, Father. Prince of Asgard.” 

“The child of my enemy,” said the deep voice, tinged with eagerness now. “The universe sends me a priceless gift. How did you find this place, Asgardian?”

Loki said nothing, but the images of his final glimpses of Asgard flashed before his eyes. The shattered bridge, Thor screaming, Odin’s face twisted with something that might have been grief, but surely that was only wishful thinking. Why would he mourn his pet monster?

“He is capable of walking between worlds, but he did not mean to come to Sanctuary. He tried to end himself by falling from a shattered bridge into a wormhole.” Panic turned to horror. How was she getting past his defenses? They were still in place, and there were no holes in them, and yet she had managed to steal information anyway.

“Then the Bifrost is broken? This is truly a glorious day. We have much to do. Corvus, Maw. Our guest is injured and weak. He will need... _ repairs _ before he can be rehabilitated.”

X

Corvus and Maw turned out to be aliens of two more species Loki had never seen before, and the “repairs” the deep voice spoke of were surgical implants they grafted into him. Maw possessed powerful telekinetic abilities. He waxed poetic about what a great honor it was to be made an instrument in the hand of the almighty Thanos, all while slicing Loki open with the needles he controlled with his mind. Corvus seemed to have a detailed understanding of the mechanics of the implants, but he said nothing while he did his work. Plates, pins, and rods clamped his broken bones together, but the goblin-like creature added other things Loki couldn’t identify, which gave off currents of energy that put a foul taste in his mouth.

After they finished with him, he was deposited in a dingy cell of the same black rock everything was made of in this place. He could feel every piece of what they’d installed beneath his skin. As soon as they left him alone, his stomach turned. There was nothing in it to expel, but he dry heaved for minutes straight. Now that it wasn’t needed to keep him alive in the void, his seidr was trying to heal his wounds. It was pooling and coiling around each of the foreign objects, making him even more aware of their presence, like mechanical parasites trying to make him into something else. Watching his flesh turn blue and lined had been nothing compared to this. 

He was curled up in a corner when Gamora arrived, carrying a bowl in one hand and a ceramic cup in the other. The mere thought of food was almost enough to set him retching again, and the smell of whatever was in that bowl did not help. She set bowl and cup down on the floor beside him, then stood up straight again. 

“You should have just killed me,” he said. His voice was hoarse. 

“No one dies here unless my father lets them,” she said. “No one escapes. No one hides. He’ll get what he wants out of you. It’s only a matter of time.”

“You don’t sound much like a loving daughter,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “Are you a prisoner as well?”

“I have nowhere else to go,” she said. “He made sure of that.”

“Is he the reason you alone now speak your native tongue?”

“Apart from you. How are you doing that? Your word choice is a little archaic, but you sound fluent. I can see your mouth forming the words, so I know it’s not my translator.”

“It’s called Allspeak,” said Loki. He was loath to provide more information to anyone in this place, but what was the worst they could do with this knowledge? Use him as an interpreter? “It’s the first thing every child is taught on Asgard. A language infused with spellwork, so that any who hear it perceive their own language being spoken instead. Provided that the language functions in the usual fashion—different sounds corresponding to different meanings, parts of speech, and so forth—, I can in turn hear the words of an entirely unknown tongue and comprehend what is being said. 

“I understand that within individual languages, there are sometimes differences in pronunciation based on region or class status. This is how other tongues sound to my ear. Allspeak can be applied to written language as well, though that requires far more study to master.” Thor had needed all the help Loki could provide to get the hang of the written form, and most of the common people never bothered trying to learn it. The ordinary Asgardian alphabet served them well enough.

“So you don’t actually speak Zenwhoberian.”

“No. I’ve only convinced your mind that I do.” He didn’t tell her that her nearly-dead language sounded far more pleasing to his ear than any of the others he had heard in this place. The pressure around the grafted pieces inside him was building. “You might want to stand back,” he advised. 

She frowned at him, hand going to the hilt of her sword. He convulsed, a scream tearing its way free. Her eyes widened and she jumped back. A second later, there was an explosion of green-gold light, and bloody pieces of metal and circuitry clattered to the floor of the cell in an arc around him. Several were embedded in the wall. 

Loki laughed even as he coughed up a mouthful of blood. “Perhaps I’ll succeed where you failed,” he said. His vision was blurring quickly. “I don’t appear to be compatible with these repairs.”

X

The Present

He came to with jarring abruptness. For a moment, he could still see the black stone cell around him, and he recoiled.

“Brother, you’re awake!” 

Loki’s mind caught up with his senses, and he registered that he was lying in a cylindrical glass enclosure with white ceiling and floor. Thor was leaning over him, a mixture of relief and wariness on his face. 

“Where are we?” 

“You are currently the guests of SHIELD,” said a familiar voice. Loki pushed himself into a sitting position and saw that Director Fury was standing outside of the enclosure, next to a control panel. He glared at Loki with his one eye. So they were on the flying craft, then. That meant everything was still going according to the plan, except that Loki now had a growing suspicion it had never been his plan at all. His head was still splitting—a consequence, he supposed, of the way he was fighting against whatever had been done to his mind.

“Your brother has staked an awful lot on the idea that someone’s been messing with your head and you’re not the real bad guy here. I’m less inclined to offer that kind of benefit of the doubt.” He rubbed the spot on his chest where the enthralled Barton had shot him. “But if he can keep you in check and get you talking, I won’t press it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, Corona from the first scene is my version of Supergiant, the only member of the Black Order from the comics who didn't make it into Infinity War. I also used her in "The God of Mischief." I really really didn't want to use the name Supergiant, and since MCU canon already gave Black Dwarf a better name (Cull Obsidian), I saw no reason not to make up a different name for her: Sulcus Corona. A sulcus is a groove in the surface of a brain, and a corona is the gaseous envelope around a star (you can only see it during a total solar eclipse). Given that she is a psychic vampire and an omnipath, these seemed like good words both to describe her and to make her fit in with the other Black Order members. For me, Sulcus Corona and the Other are basically evil Maximoffs. They have mind powers they got from the Mind Stone, and they use them to further Thanos's goals. 
> 
> I have this headcanon that Thanos is so keen on cybernetic enhancements for his "children" because it's his way of taking ownership of their bodies and literally turning them into his tools. Also it occurred to me that this would potentially be an even more horrifying thing to have done to you than run-of-the-mill torture.
> 
> I also have a headcanon that Groot isn't really a language, so Allspeak doesn't work on it, which is why Thor had to take it as an elective.


	5. Falling through the Cracks

Thor and Loki stood opposite each other in the strange cylindrical chamber. Under the harsh lighting, Loki looked terrible. His nose might not be bleeding anymore, but his eyes were sunken, their normal blue standing out in contrast to the dark shadows beneath them. His skin was also waxy as though he had been ill for an extended period, and there was a slight tremor in his movements. What made all of this particularly noteworthy was that he was allowing Thor to see it in the first place. Loki had always been extremely fastidious about his appearance, masking any flaws with illusions so that the court of Asgard, foreign allies, and enemies alike would see no weaknesses to exploit in the second prince. But now, he either hadn’t realized how worn down he looked, or he didn’t care to hide it. Thor wasn’t sure which alternative he liked less, but he took some consolation from the idea that Loki was at least being honest with him about his condition.

“You’ve begun to recover your true memories, haven’t you?” said Thor tentatively. “That’s why you lost consciousness.”

“Well done, you actually remember something of our lessons on magics that affect the mind.”

“Mainly because of you.” Thor smiled. “Bragi and Vor’s droning could bore me to sleep in moments, but you could take anything they said and shape it into a captivating tale.” He could easily picture a centuries-younger Loki, features alight with enthusiasm as he used illusions and expansive gestures to persuade his unscholarly sibling that some topic or other really was fascinating and not too difficult to understand. The smile slowly slid from his face. “Was I wrong to think we were happy then? I can hardly bear the thought that even your true memories may tell a far different story than mine. How could I have been so blind that I never realized anything was wrong until you fell from the Bifrost?”

“I’ve been falling since long before the Bifrost, Thor, and no one ever noticed. If you think you can catch me now, you’re an even bigger fool than I thought you were.”

“No,” said Thor, striding across the distance between them and gripping Loki by the shoulders. “I refuse to believe that when you stand before me. As long as we still draw breath, there is time to correct the mistakes of the past.”

“Aren’t you meant to be getting the location of the Tesseract out of me?” said Loki. 

“If that was the only thing I cared about, I wouldn’t be in this glass prison with you,” said Thor. “What happened to you? To us? The day of my coronation, I believed all was well, but you had already arranged to sabotage it, and then you told me Father was dead because of me and Mother had forbidden my return, you sent the Destroyer after me and our friends, and you tried to end an entire realm.”

“You want to discuss this now, with every mortal on board listening in?”

“They can listen as closely as they like,” said Thor, switching from Allspeak to the common tongue of Asgard. “I doubt they will understand much.”

X

Tony, Romanoff, Cap, and Fury were all watching the camera feeds of what was happening in that giant glass jar from seats at a long table on the bridge, with “Phil” and Agent Hill lurking somewhere in the background. Tony tapped his pen impatiently against the packet of Dr. Selvig’s notes that apparently no one else had bothered to read. When the two brothers abruptly switched from English to something completely incomprehensible (with maybe a hint of a Scandinavian sound to it), he threw his hands up in exasperation, not caring that it sent the pen tumbling over the edge of the desk. “Are we really just gonna let this Viking soap opera play out? Aren’t we on the clock?” 

“If Thor can get Loki to turn against whoever’s pulling his strings, it’s worth giving him a few minutes,” said Cap.

“And if he can’t, Agent Romanoff will take over,” said Fury.

Since it would be a few more minutes until his hacking implant would finish its job, Tony got up and headed for the lab where Banner was working. 

X

“An ingenious solution,” said Loki, also dropping Allspeak with a smirk in the direction of what must be one of the mortals’ recording devices. “Though not one that’s likely to win you their trust.”

“So be it,” said Thor. “It isn’t their trust I want. When did I lose yours, Loki? Only tell me what I must do to regain it and I will do it.”

Loki’s mouth twisted like he tasted something bitter. “What makes you think it was ever in my power to give it? Is a Frost Giant any more capable of trusting than of being trustworthy?” Thor had never noticed how harsh and ugly his own mother tongue’s name for the Frost Giants sounded. It was almost a curse, and the way Loki spat it out with such disgust certainly didn’t help. “All my life I knew I was different. Less, somehow. None of my accomplishments ever seemed to matter. I couldn’t understand why, then, but perhaps you could all sense the monster hiding in your midst from the start.”

“That is not—” Thor began, horrified, but Loki interrupted him.

“Do you know what it was like for me, being king? Though I received all the same training as you, though the Queen and the Council promoted my regency, I had barely taken up Gungnir when those I called friends deserted me. Sif. The Warriors Three. Heimdall. I was  _ king _ , and they scarcely hesitated to commit treason against me, even though all I did was uphold Odin’s commands and seek an end to the war  _ you _ started. They thought I had plotted your banishment and the Odinsleep to put myself on the throne.”

Thor wished with all his heart that he could claim these were fabricated memories too, but he couldn’t. He’d gone to each of his friends for details of what had happened during his banishment, desperate to understand the cause of Loki’s madness and suicide. They all grieved their prince as well, but not enough to make them reconsider their suspicions and mistrust. He hadn’t even felt he had the right to be angry with them for it, because he wasn’t confident that he would have supported Loki’s regency if he had been in their place. The man he was before his banishment would not have liked seeing the throne he thought of as his by right go to his brother instead. Would he have listened to Loki when he claimed he didn’t want it? What would he have done if he had learned the truth of Loki’s parentage while his armor was still wet with navy blue blood? He shuddered to think of it. 

“We have done you a great wrong, Brother, and the Jotnar as well,” he said, eyes downcast and shoulders drooping. He was careful to use the Frost Giants’ own name for themselves, not Asgard’s. “That does not make you or the people of Jotunheim monsters, it makes  _ us _ ignorant fools. I can only apologize for myself, and even then, I cannot give back the Jotun lives I took or undo the hurts I’ve given you. Will you grant me the chance to do better?”

X

Loki’s mind felt muddled beneath his pounding headache. He’d come so far and risked so much. The desire to subjugate Midgard and build himself a throne still burned in him, but the reasons behind that desire had been shaken. The memories that had resurfaced so far had painted a very different picture than the one he’d believed in when he’d followed the Tesseract’s pull to that underground facility, and he knew more were on their way. He stared into Thor’s earnest face. Odin and Frigga had lied to him all his life. The Titan and his children had lied to him. He was on a flying craft full of mortals who lied professionally. But Thor didn’t even know how to lie.

To his horror, his eyes prickled and his throat tightened. “Why, Thor?” His voice broke and the tears came spilling down his cheeks. “Why did it take you so long to notice?” He was so  _ tired _ of hiding any signs of weakness—of trying to be more like Thor, who had none. Maybe if he’d stopped sooner, none of this would have happened. He didn’t fight Thor when he pulled him into a crushing hug and began sobbing incoherent apologies and promises into his shoulder. He teetered for a long moment on the verge of summoning one of his daggers, but in the end, he merely raised his arms and clung to Thor’s broad back. 

Darkness began to swirl across his field of vision. Another onslaught of uncovered memories on its way, no doubt. He’d have to be quick, then. “The one who sent me,” he began, switching back to Allspeak. “His name is Thanos.”

The instant the name left his lips, the pain in his head exploded. Everything went white. He jerked backward, away from Thor, and fell, twitching, to the floor, agony shooting through every part of him. He was barely conscious of his surroundings, of Thor yelling for help and alarms sounding through the aircraft, but he could hear a voice whispering in the back of his mind. 

_ We warned you what would happen if you failed. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I initially only included that little Tony PoV scene because I thought the chapter wasn't going to be long enough, but then I realized I'd written Tony doing the exact same exasperated pen toss thing Peter does in Homecoming, so there was no way I was relegating that to the cutting room floor.
> 
> Holy crap it is hard to write Thor and Loki talking about their issues. They are SO BAD AT IT. This may have been one of the hardest things I've ever written, and it was even harder to figure out what order to put the pieces in. But I'm pretty satisfied with the final result. What do you guys think?
> 
> The chapter title is basically my interpretation of how things went so wrong for Loki. I don't think anyone was maliciously cruel to him or deliberately neglectful. I think he just fell through the cracks. Asgardians on the whole seem like people who take things at face value, so if Loki acted like nothing was wrong, they would believe him. Odin (and, to a lesser extent, Frigga) didn't really think about how different a Jotun child might be, particularly one with the psychological scars of having been abandoned to die, so they didn't do the right things to help him gain confidence.


	6. Father of the Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean to take so long to update this one, and I think what gives me trouble is that it is far angstier than I usually go with my fics. It's also been extremely difficult to work out Loki's offscreen arc from falling from the Bifrost to appearing in the Pegasus lab, but I've had a few ideas lately and I think I've got it all sorted out now. 
> 
> Anyway, I want to say upfront that this chapter has about two layers of unreliable narrator in it, so don't take it all at face value. Loki's perspective is very warped, and Thanos might be bafflingly wrong all the time, but try telling him that.

Sanctuary: Day 2

The first thing Loki became aware of as he regained consciousness was the sound of Thanos’s voice. “Your magic is powerful, Asgardian,” said the Titan. Bitter anguish twisted Loki’s insides. Expelling the implants had not done enough damage to kill him, then. He opened his eyes. He was back in the room where they’d first brought him, lying on the slab of cold rock. “That is the first time my gifts have been rejected. Do you have some objection to my children healing your wounds, helping you become stronger?”

Loki said nothing. The Titan thought himself benevolent, did he? That Loki ought to feel grateful, indebted, for those  _ things _ Corvus and Maw had lodged within his flesh? 

“But I understand. Nebula told me you begged for death. Instead you met me, and my repairs only take you farther from your goal.”

Loki’s eyes snapped to his, but still he didn’t speak. 

“Why would the son of Odin wish for death?” 

The silence stretched out between them, and a spark of irritation flickered in Thanos’s eyes. “You don’t need to speak, but I will have my answers.” He looked past Loki at something behind him, and a second later, fingers pressed into the sides of his head. Terror blanked out his thoughts. It was Corona. He hadn’t even sensed her drawing near. His mental defenses gave a shudder as she dragged at them. It seemed she enjoyed doing this, as though they were a mildly interesting musical instrument, rather than any true obstacle to her. “He was raised a Prince of Asgard,” she said, “but he knows now that he isn’t a true child of Odin. He’s one of the monsters from a world of ice, cast out to die as an infant by his real father.”

“What, then, you found out you had no real claim to the throne, so there was no point living?”

“Yes, it was the throne I wanted,” Loki croaked, trying to fight back against Corona’s invasion, but he still had no idea how she was getting in. He tried to fill his mind with only images of sabotaging Thor’s coronation, holding Gungnir in his hands, and sitting upon Hlidskjalf. Perhaps if he couldn’t stop her getting in, he could at least ensure the only information she could access was misleading. Corona’s hair-raising laughter sounded inside his head.

“No,” she said aloud. “He wanted to defy his blood and prove himself a worthy son of Odin. He did all he could to protect Asgard and to prove his loyalty. He went so far as to murder his true father, Odin’s enemy, and nearly destroyed the world where he was born, but Odin still rejected him.”

Loki could not bear the humiliation of having his shameful childish desires pulled from him like this. His vision blurred with tears and impotent hatred surged through him.  

Thanos made a disparaging sound. “Pathetic boy. I’ve done battle with Odin, and I find it ironic that those under his rule call him Allfather. I’ve seen worlds his armies ravaged. He’s a warlord. If you weren’t born his child, then you could never have been more than a spoil of war to him. All the devotion in the universe couldn’t win his affection. He understands little of what it means to be a father.”

This account of Odin jarred against what Loki knew, and he was repelled by the implication that Thanos was the superior parent, after what he’d seen of his motley collection of so-called children.  _ Loki _ had been the problem in his family, not Odin. He had trespassed where he never belonged, presumed rights to more than he could ever deserve, and longed for the impossible. The House of Odin would be better off now that he was gone.

“You will do well here, Loki of Asgard,” said Thanos. “I know how to appreciate the talents of children not of my blood, and I know how to reshape their weaknesses into strengths.”

“Yes, so that they can become ‘tools in your hand,’” said Loki with disdain. Perhaps he could offend Thanos into finishing him off. “No freedom to determine their own paths or even to control their own bodies. You’ll forgive me for thinking death the better option.”

“Fool. You argue for freedom after it has brought you only misery?” He turned to leave the room. “You’ll learn to appreciate what I offer soon enough, and then I will have a task for you.”

He departed. Corona, however, did not. Her hooks remained embedded in Loki’s mind, seeking out more of his deepest secrets while he was powerless to stop her. Worse, Corvus and Maw came into view, bearing trays of metal instruments. Within moments, the air was full of his screams.

X

When next he woke, he was back in his cell. He could feel the new implants and upgrades they had installed, just like the first set, and his seidr was responding the same way. It would only be moments before he violently expelled them. Was this to be his existence now? How many times would they subject him to this until they realized it would not work? Would there be anything left of his sanity by then?

As before, Gamora arrived to bring him some foul substance he was presumably supposed to eat. She set the bowl and cup down near him and then backed away, but didn’t leave. Perhaps she was waiting for the show. “If I attacked you,” he said, “would you kill me to defend yourself?”

“You’re too weak to be that much of a threat,” she said. 

“Oh?” As loathsome as the implants were, and as surely as they would soon be scattered around the cell like the first ones, and as much pain as he was in, they had patched him up enough to grant him nearly full mobility. He conjured a dagger into his hand, left a simulacrum in his place, and sprang to press the blade to her throat. It barely touched green skin before she grabbed his wrist and twisted, sending him crashing flat onto his back with enough force to knock the breath out of him. 

She looked down at him, arching a silvery, artificial brow. “Like I said.” She twirled his dagger around her fingers. “But I’m not so sure you really want to die.”

“Have I not proven it already?” said Loki dully.

“You’ve proven you want someone to kill you, and you keep hoping your wounds will eventually do the job, but if you want to die so much, what’s stopping you from doing it yourself?” With two fingers, she threw the dagger so that it embedded itself in the rock an inch from his hand. Tossing her vibrant hair over her shoulder, she strode back out.

He stared at the dagger as the pressure continued to build around each implant. There was nothing stopping him from taking it and driving it through his heart. He knew precisely where and how to strike to prevent any chance of his seidr healing the wound in time to keep him alive. What was so different between that and letting go of Gungnir? 

The dagger remained where it was, and he screamed when the implants were expelled, leaving him broken again. 

He was a coward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was pretty surreal writing Thanos's opinions of Odin's parenting, based on information taken from suicidal Loki's mind and Thanos's own experience from battling Odin thousands of years ago before he had his big change of heart and stopped conquering worlds*. Loki believes that Odin was rejecting him when he said "No, Loki," and that makes perfect sense to Thanos. I, on the other hand, think it was more of a "No, Loki, you didn't have to prove yourself to me." but it's not like there's anyone on Sanctuary to make that case.
> 
> *The thing that actually helped me get this chapter written was rewatching Avengers and The Dark World. I noticed that Loki has a few lines that suggest he learned about Odin's reign of terror while he was in Thanos's clutches.
> 
> Next chapter will likely be back in the present, but it'll take a couple more flashback chapters to get through the rest of the important Sanctuary stuff.

**Author's Note:**

> I do want to extend this to see how it affects the rest of Avengers and the brothers' return to Asgard, but I'm not sure how much I'll be prioritizing this fic compared to my other Marvel fics, which are about to include a co-authored one about how the MCU incarnations of Stakar and Aleta from GotG started out as Asgardian warriors during Odin and Hela's reign of terror. So...we'll see.


End file.
